Sunday Post | Life is so Unfair

December 13, 2015 Sunday Post 36

Sunday Post

The Sunday Post is a weekly meme hosted by Kimba @Caffeinated Book Reviewer. Basically it’s a chance to talk about the books you bought, borrowed, blogged about, and read for the week and what’s coming in the week ahead – and then share them with a much wider blogging community. Check out the details here.

News at Home

Life is so unfair. Incredibly unfair. On Wednesday this past week I talked to one of my best friends. We’ve been best friends for ten years. I’ve mentioned her on the blog. I made her the baby blanket for her daughter that was born in May and the batman for her 5 year old son. I watched her little girl for a week after she was born because her job didn’t give her maternity leave. And Wednesday I made plans to get together with her to celebrate the end of a really rough semester for both of us. Her first semester of law school and my first as a teacher. She was having her last final on Thursday, the next day. Here’s where life gets really unfair. She dropped dead on campus before her final.

I’ve cried more than I thought I could and now I’m angry and numb at all once. I don’t understand how someone so wonderful is gone and a huge part of me just doesn’t believe it. I don’t know how I, or her husband, her sister, her mother, or anyone who knew her and loved her can possibly help her 7 month year old daughter to grow up and have even an inkling of the woman her mother was. And how can we explain to her 5 year old that his mommy, who has NEVER missed 8pm cuddle time, is not tucking him in ever again?

I’m sorry to be so morbid, but this is honestly the ONLY thing on my mind. I almost didn’t post, but sharing thus with y’all – posting my rage and sadness and feeling of cluelessness – helps and so I’m unloading on y’all. Thanks in advance for understanding.

Every time I try to distract myself with a book or TV I come back to her. Everything connects, because she is… Was.. Such a huge part of my life. Every big moment we shared. I’ve lost people before, but they’ve been older or sick and I expected it and it made sense. There is nothing logical about this and I’m so lost and so angry and so… I don’t even have words to describe what I feel. She was 31, healthy, had just begun law school, had a great marriage, 2 wonderful kids, and was working so hard to give her family everything. It’s just so unfair.

My only happiness is that we talked on Wednesday. It’s been a rough semester for both of us, like I said, and we’ve texted tons throughout it. But we hadn’t talked since September. She left me a voicemail Tuesday “Kim I Miss you! Call me when you can. Love you!” If I hadn’t called her back and the last thing I had from her was that voicemail I’d feel like total shit, more so at least, right now. At least we talked the day before she died. It still sucks but at least I have that.

Anyway… Funeral is Saturday. Viewing is Friday night. Not sure I can make viewing since I have gallbladder surgery on Friday. But I’m going unless doctor orders me not to. Even then I don’t know.

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Berls

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About Berls
Berls has been a book lover her whole life. She reads pretty much every genre and is currently working hard at making her childhood dream of becoming an author come true. She loves sharing her thoughts about books, blogging, and just random fun stuff. She's a challenge and read-a-thon junkie, so it's no wonder that she loves co-hosting the COYER reading challenge. Leave a comment, Berls is always happy to chat!

36 Responses to “Sunday Post | Life is so Unfair”

  1. Jonetta (Ejaygirl)
    Twitter:

    I’m so sorry you lost your friend. There’s nothing I can say to make you feel better other than I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I’ve never experienced anything like this so words fail. It has to make such a huge difference that you connected with her recently.

    Thank you so much for deciding to share this rather than skip the post. Your honesty and straight forward way of communicating makes such a difference in our lives. Hopefully, the process was therapeutic for you.

    Much love.
    Jonetta (Ejaygirl) recently posted…The Silkworm by Robert GalbraithMy Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thanks Jonetta 🙂 It’s okay, they’re really are no words for loss – especially so sudden and tragic (IMO). The funeral yesterday really helped and I feel like I’m on the mend 🙂

  2. anna (herding cats & burning soup)

    Aw damn. I’m so sorry, Berls. That effing sucks! Life is unfair some days and it just makes you want to scream. It sounds like she was an amazing person and had just as many amazing people in her life who will be there for her children and keep her spirit and memory alive for them. Praying for all of yall in the coming weeks.
    anna (herding cats & burning soup) recently posted…#AFTH2015 w/ Tessa BaileyMy Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Lol you couldn’t have it put it better, it does effing suck! Thank you Anna, we had the funeral yesterday and it really helped. First funeral I’ve been to that I really needed that chance to see family and share memories. It was hard but good and I’m on the mend.

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you so much Carol. We had the funeral yesterday and it went a long ways towards healing, even though it was hard and I cried plenty.

  3. Bookworm Brandee

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}} I’m so very sorry to hear about your friend, Berls. Gosh, it does seem as though one thing after another is coming at you, trying to knock you down. In this case, I don’t think there are answers. It isn’t fair – to anyone involved. But you have to pick yourself up – and be there in whatever capacity you can for those kids. In that way, you can show them what a great woman their mother was, not only in sharing stories but also in proving the kind of person she was through the friends – one of those being YOU – that she chose to share her life with. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and I’ll be sending posi-vibes to you as you endure this trying time. Also know I’m sending you TONS of virtual hugs, my friend. And I’m here for you, I’m happy to listen if you need me!!! <3 <3 <3
    Bookworm Brandee recently posted…Brandee’s Bookish Babble #9 ~ Unconventional for the Win?My Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you so much Brandee – life really hasn’t been too kind to me lately has it? Grrrr! But I’m on the mend, physically and emotionally. I’m getting ready to do my Sunday Post so I’ll be more detailed there but surgery went well and funeral was yesterday. Funeral was good, despite being really hard. It was good to see the family and share memories and to have that confirmation that our ties our strong enough that I’ll be part of their lives even now that she’s gone. I’m ready for 2016 though – maybe it’ll be nicer to me!

  4. Rachelle
    Twitter:

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I’m not good at knowing what to say in situations like this, but just know that I’m here. I feel like I’ve gotten to know you a bit over the past year or so, and if it was at all appropriate I’d drive up from Austin. I was just talking with my teacher friend, Rachel, and we were talking about how your teaching job has gotten easier and more manageable. Please let me know if you need anything at all to help you through this and your surgery or anything else.
    Rachelle recently posted…Monday’s Minutes #50My Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you so much Rachelle, just the kind thoughts and messages have done so much to help me honestly. There’s so little that can be done – I think that’s what makes death so frustrating… The helplessness of it. But the funeral was yesterday and despite being hard it was really good and I’m feeling a lot better now. It’ll take time but I’m in the right direction.

  5. Charlie
    Twitter:

    Oh, Berls. That is so incredibly hard to face as an adult, simply losing such a great friend. Throw in those two precious babies, and it makes it even harder. Your darkest days are upon you, but you will all make it through together. I speak from reflecting back these last four years on my cousin’s suicide. Ricky was an amazing person, and most people judged him because of the way he looked. I truly think he understood more about people than most, and he was an honest-to-God true Christian in the way he treated others. He left two babies behind, and has been on my mind quite a bit these last few months. To share the amazing person my Rikki Tikki Tavi was with his two look-alike sons, to tell them how he was, the shenanigans he got us into, is like getting a small part of him back. There will always be a scar for the rest of your lives, but there is a measure of healing that comes in time. I pray for you, your family and your friend’s family.

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you Charlie. I’m sorry for your loss as well – it is so hard, but you’re right the Memories do have a bit of healing power. We had the fuberal yesterday and sharing memories with each other was great, it was good to laugh and remember her – almost made it like she was back. Like you said, there will always be a scar, but I think the Memories and time with family will heal a lot.

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Not yet, we’re waiting for autopsy results – as of yesterday there was still the toxicology to be done. I just hope they find something – I need a reason, if that makes sense.

  6. kayk597

    Berls, I am so sorry about your and her family’s loss. Life is so unfair, my sister lost her youngest (17) son in an auto accident, and a loss like these definitely changes the family’s and friend’s lives. Do remember all the good and bad times with her and share those memories with all her family and friends. Donna said it was so hard when people didn’t talk about Travis, since it was like they were pretending he hadn’t been alive. Let them know how much you miss her and let them talk it out too.
    It’s horrible because of the season, and with your scheduled surgery… Just take care of yourself too.
    Hang in there, and sending prayers and love,
    Kay

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you so much Kay. What a tragedy to lose a son at 17 – just a reminder that no matter how tragic, there’s always worse 🙁 The funeral was yesterday and we shared a lot of stories – it definitely helped me to start to heal. I’m exhausted now, since it was the day after surgery, but it was worth it. Thank you again 🙂

  7. Jen Twimom
    Twitter:

    Oh Berls – I am so sorry. You have my deepest sympathy. To her family and friends, I will keep her loss in my heart and family in my prayers. The why’s will haunt you for a long time because let’s face it… life isn’t fair. I hope that you can continue to be there for her husband and baby-to share your happy memories and love. *HUGS*
    Jen Twimom recently posted…Sunday Snippet: Debris of Shadows Book I: The Lies of the Sage by Tony LaRoccaMy Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you Jen. The funeral was yesterday and while there’s still so many haunting why’s it was good to see the family and know that the ties we have are strong. I feel like we’ll stay close and that’s reassuring.

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you Laura. I’m so glad we were able to talk just the day before she died. If not, I’m not sure how I’d be doing right now… Not well I’m sure.

  8. Bea
    Twitter:

    Oh, oh Berls. I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry. What an awful thing for your friend, her family, and for you. I’m so so sorry. And at the holidays just makes it even harder. *HUGS*

    Did you have your surgery? How are you doing?
    Bea recently posted…Sunday Book Share #171My Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Hugs, thank you! It is brutal timing, Christmas just won’t be the same for sure. No, my surgery is this upcoming Friday. It’s going to be rough, since her viewing and funeral are Friday evening and Saturday but nothing could keep me away. I’ll just have to be careful.

  9. Terri M., the Director
    Twitter:

    Berls, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I’m glad that you got to speak to your friend one last time. I lost my father suddenly in 2002. There are plenty of times I wish I could pick up the phone and ask him a question or just talk to him one last night. The pain never goes away, but take comfort in those around you and support her family as much as you can.
    Terri M., the Director recently posted…Scenic Sundays 59 | The 2nd Blogoversary EditionMy Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you Terri. Sudden loss is so hard – you’re not prepared and don’t understand it like loss after sickness. I’m sorry you had to go through it with someone as dear as your father 🙁 Some wounds never heal, and I’m sure this one won’t. I already feel such a huge piece of me gone. Hugs and thank you 🙂

  10. Melanie Simmons
    Twitter:

    I’m so sorry to hear that Berls. It is always sadder when people die unexpectedly. My father had a heart attack at 35 years old. I was 8. I completely get the “Life isn’t fair” thing. I thought that for a long time. Looking back, I’m the person I am today because that happened. If he was around, I would be a different person in a different life. I don’t know if that life/person would be better or worse, I just know that I would be different. There are times when I miss him, though I don’t remember him a lot. I remember mostly stories told to me about him. I have a few memories that I’m sure are my own. His poor mother, my grandmother, lost her husband and youngest son within a few months of each other.

    As a child who lost a parent when I was young, I greatly treasure the stories people tell me of my father, both good and bad. I like to just hear about him. Be sure to share many stories with your friends children. Tell them of all her successes and failures. They will appreciate them one day. I think it will also help you to share those stories. {{{hugs}}} I know it is hard.
    Melanie Simmons recently posted…Wolf Trouble Audiobook by Paige Tyler (REVIEW)My Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thanks for sharing your experience Melanie. It breaks my heart that any children have to lose their parent like this – I wonder what it will mean for Braxton and Riley, since, like you said, not having her is going to shape who they are. I just hope the stories we tell can do her some justice. She was an incredible mom, so they’ve been robbed of so much. But maybe we can shower them with enough love and stories to give them a great childhood, even if it won’t be the same. Hugs, thank you Melanie 🙂

  11. Lexxie

    *hugs* So sorry, Berls. Your friend dying so suddenly is such a shock! And in a way, I’m sure it’s even more shocking because she wasn’t in an accident – just there one minute and not the next. You and her family are in my thoughts, Berls. I’m glad you have that last phone call to hold on to. *hugs*
    Lexxie recently posted…The Sunday Post #62 – New Job, and Costume BallsMy Profile

    • Berls
      Twitter:

      Thank you Lexxie. I’m incredibly thankful for that phone call. Without it, I’d be so riddled with guilt right now. It’s really hard thay there’s no rhyme or reason – they’re doing an autopsy so hopefully we’ll get a reason. It’s just so unfair. *hugs *

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