Welcome to My Sunday Post!
The Sunday Post is a weekly meme hosted by Kimba @Caffeinated Book Reviewer. Basically it’s a chance to talk about the books you bought, borrowed, blogged about, and read for the week and what’s coming in the week ahead – and then share them with a much wider blogging community. Check out the details here.
News at Home
First off a HUGE thank you to all the warm comments, encouragement and support you all gave me last week. I wish I had the time to individually reply to each comment but I’m being realistic and honest – I don’t. Please know that I read them all and they meant the world to me. To have you all behind me, understanding HOW I feel made me stronger and helped me feel that how I was feeling was truly legitimate. So THANK YOU!!!
You’ll notice from my post title that we’ve moved from hell to purgatory. So yeah, things aren’t good, but they’re better. Does it help that I’ve polished off a few bottles of wine this week? Absolutely! And does a three day weekend help? Hell yes! But some other things happened that have made things a smidge better.
I went in Monday ready to do the best I could. I decided that if the day was still hell I’d quit and if it felt ANY better I’d stay. Well the sub that’s been acting as my aid – because yeah, on Monday I had a class of 20 kids but TECHNICALLY I don’t have an aid – had to cover a fourth grade class. So I was on my own. For the third time. And it was the inner circle of Hell. I sat through our daily meeting and actually did a planning session with the principal still not sure what I was going to do. But after I talked with one of my co-workers and realized, no. This isn’t working. This CAN’T be my life. So I went to her office to talk to her… and she had already left for the day. Yes it was 5pm. But lord, I haven’t gotten out of there by 5pm even once!
I tracked down her phone number and called her and told her that “life is too short to be this miserable without any hope of things ever getting better. Not only am I unhappy, but I’m not teaching my kids anything. I’m the wrong person for this.” Yeah, I tried to quit. We had a thirty minute conversation and basically she did everything she could to convince me not to quit. She told me that the fact that I care that I’m not teaching the kids is why she knows she has to keep me on staff – because too many people wouldn’t care that they weren’t being effective. She promised me that they – SHE – could do more to help me be successful. I told her that I was doing all I could but if she could do more, I needed to see it because I couldn’t keep going like this.
So yeah. Basically I told her I’d stay, but she needed to bring it. I told her that I wasn’t afraid of hard work, but I did feel that my situation was harder because of what they did to me and I WOULDN’T live like this. And then I went home and drank my first bottle of wine for the week.
Well, I was excited about coming to this school because I felt that the administration were good people. The last few weeks I’ve been nervous that my initial assessment was wrong. Turns out, it wasn’t. I just needed to scream loud enough to be heard, because they’ve got lots of screaming going on I guess. The next day was like a constant flood of support. Questions I’ve been asking and begging for answers to were answered. By 8am, three of my six most challenging students (though not the most challenging) had been switched to the other kinder teacher’s class (who, BTW had 4 fewer students than me despite having more experience. WTF?!). I tried to give them my 3 most challenging, but they told me that they didn’t want all 3 of them in the same class. Again, I say, WTF?! They were all in MY CLASS for a week! They apologized and said that should have been caught and shouldn’t have happened. Yeah.
By 9am, I had someone in my room helping with my most challenging remaining students. At 10:30 (my lunch “break”) I met with the old Kinder teacher and FINALLY got answers to a ton of questions I’ve had about how EXACTLY we teach some of this stuff. Throughout the day people were in and out giving me resources, showing me how to use this and that. By the time I left on Tuesday I was overwhelmed with information, but I finally had it.
On Wednesday the principal stopped by, gave me a hug and asked how I was feeling. There were clearly no hard feelings and she thanked me for giving her a chance to show me that they could give the support I needed.
Did that fix everything? No, not at all. I still have had serious problems with behavior all week. I’m still working ridiculous hours. I’m still exhausted and I’m still pretty sure that I’m never going to fall in love with teaching kinder. I want more challenging content (not the numbers 1-5 over and over) and older kids. The songs that are stuck in my head every day drive me crazy. I find myself singing the months of the year song or Who Let the Letters Out.
But can I survive? I think so. There’s even been some moments where the kids actually make me smile. And as crazy as they drive me, they seem to love me. When it’s time to let them go at the end of the day almost every single one of them gives me a hug. It’s going to be a long year and I think I’m going to really increase my alcohol tolerance. But I might actually survive.
Oh and I almost forgot – I did have one win moment this week. The superintendent was at our school on Thursday, without warning of course. I was at the carpet with my kids reading them David Goes to School and I saw him walking in the hallway. He turned and walked into my classroom and I almost died as I turned the page and kept reading to the kids. Miracle of miracles, they all stayed quiet, in their spots with their hands in their lap like they were supposed to. He left and I let out a premature breath of relief because 5 minutes later he was walking back and walked in again! This time we were talking about the characters in the book. And miracle of miracles they were participating like they’re supposed to! Raising their hands excitedly and waiting to be called on. Even my most difficult student was actually on the carpet instead of in the middle of some fight with my helper. That’s happened like 5 times so far and he came into the room 2 of those times! The report from the principal was that he was really happy with what he saw at the school and that every classroom he entered he saw quality teaching and engaged learners. So yeah, that’s my win for a while!! LOl!
The state of my reading and reviewing is laughable. I actually don’t even know where my kindle is exactly. I know it’s in my house somewhere. Probably under a pile of ABC magnets or some craft project. I am reading a book- a little every night – so that’s exciting. I have so many reviews to write and publish it’s scary. And I’m not listening to an audiobook right now! OMG!!! But I really hope to fix that this week – I need to reclaim ME. So I hope that you’re going to start seeing me on the blog a few times a week starting this week. I might even get to start replying to comments and visiting people again!!! Wouldn’t that be great?! Thanks for being so understanding and patient 🙂
I may cancel my gym membership – I miss my zumba classes but I don’t know if getting to the gym is a reasonable expecation. I am averaging at least 10k steps a day though. And I’m still not eating much – a granola bar and skim milk for breakfast, protein shake for lunch, and something light for dinner with wine or water. Lots of water. I’ve lost 15 pounds since starting this job actually. So that’s a plus, kind of. I don’t think that rapid weight loss is healthy, but I’ve got plenty to lose so I’m not complaining.
Last Week on the Blog
This Week on the Blog Look For:
COYER Wrap Up Post (this afternoon)
Hopefully a couple reviews
How was your week?I made it out of hell! Now in purgatory! Check out my Sunday Post to see how. Click To Tweet